To some of you who get this, it's going to seem like "Deja-Vu," because several of you were with me when these things transpired. That's why I'm not naming names to "protect the innocent."
The fun things about meeting up with old friends (I don't mean "old" by age but "old" by "I haven't seen you for years"), is that they can remind you of funny stories and situations you had completely forgotten, and it usually opens up the floodgates of memories from times past.
I have a lot of people ask me "who's the funniest person you've ever met?" Man, that's tough because over my sixty-plus years of living, I've met some "doozies!"
Ralph Bethel, Jesse Baize, Harlan Jewell, Tom Christersen and many many others come to mind, but without a doubt, Kirk Stone was the funniest person I've ever associated with.
Most of you know Kirk. He was Amos Stone's son, the former co-owner of WMTA. Kirk went on to become an accomplished speechwriter and representative for Sen. John Glenn and others. The last I talked with him, he was teaching at the University of Charleston in South Carolina. To say he has been successful would be an understatement.
Anyhow, I have a favorite story on Kirk. Back in the early sixties, the license examiner (who tested you for your driver's license) was not a permanent position. It was usually made up of State Troopers (they called them Highway Patrolmen back then) who were "beyond their prime" and were near retirement. Trouble was, most of them knew this and hated the job. Most weren't bashful in letting you know this either.
Kirk was sixteen and had obtained his learning permit (he'd been driving a couple of years) and it was time for him to finally test for his driver's license. This is probably one of the "top five" events in a person's life. In those days, if you failed the driver's test, you had to wait a full thirty days before you could re-test, which meant at least another thirty days before earning your freedom.
Kirk had an unusual sense of humor. It was unusual in the fact that anybody can be a comedian as long as they have a receptive audience. Kirk didn't require any audience. If he thought something was funny to himself, he didn't care what the audience thought (if there even was an audience). It was customary on testing day for your licensed (at least one of them) friends to escort you to the courthouse back then. I don't remember if it was because parents couldn't handle the pressure or if it was because Dads worked and Moms couldn't handle the pressure but at any rate, it was several of Kirk's friends that escorted him to the courthouse.
Going to Greenville seems like nothing today, but back then, it took about 30-45 minutes and you had to be careful to not speed in Powderly (many considered it a speed trap, including yours truly). We arrived at the back of the Courthouse early in the morning. I don't remember why we weren't in school but it was probably summer. Anyway, the license examiner was about 6' 6" tall, thin and bald-headed (he looked like old "Walter," the grumpy dummy with ventriloquist Jeff Dunham).
We sat on the lawn while Kirk and the trooper got in his car (it was a 1958 Rambler). I remember seeing the old policeman with his clipboard circling the car while Kirk turned on the wipers and headlights, turn signals, honked the horn, etc. After about five minutes, they were "on the road." As I said, Kirk had actually been driving for a few years (just not legally) so we felt he would have no trouble "Acing" this test. They were gone about ten minutes and they returned. Kirk parallel-parked the old Rambler perfectly. We jumped up and ran over to the car asking "did he pass?" "H_LL NO, he didn't pass," said the trooper. It was really unusual to be "cussed" at by a peace officer in those days. "What happened," we pursued, thinking there had to be a mistake. "Ask the little B_st_rd yourself," came the reply as he stormed off to the next victim. "What happened Kirk?" we asked him. I'll never forget the smile on his face...it was similiar to the smile Paul Newman had when he played the character "Cool Hand Luke." Kirk laughed and proceeded to tell this story:
"Everything was going OK," he said. "I had done everything he asked correctly. He asked me to turn left onto College Street, which I gave the signal and did perfectly. As we proceeded down the street, I saw a wide parking area beside the Greenville High School, gave the signal and pulled into it. I put the car in park, turned off the engine and leaned back." The examiner asked me "Boy, just what the H_ll do you thing you're doing?" "Huh?" asked Kirk..."Oh," and he reached in the hip pocket of his pants and pulled out the manual they issued when you took the written portion for your permit. He flipped through a few pages to about the middle of the pamphlet, found a page that was "dog-eared" in the corner and proceeded to read the portion that said "If you tire while driving, pull to a safe place on the side of the road and rest!"
No comments:
Post a Comment