There is a group of us (mostly men) who eat lunch (which we still call "dinner"...the evening meal is still "supper") and we discuss the issues of the day. We actually have an "office pool" bet on when Michael Jackson will finally be buried permanently (and where).
Since most of us are either retirement age (or near it), we sometimes discuss the "pros" and "cons" of whether to retire here or consider moving to some exotic location and visiting here occasionally. For some reason, remaining "here" usually wins out. I guess that's why we're still "here!"
Here's some of the things we enjoy about living in Kentucky. (1) You can rent a movie, buy a sandwich and purchase night crawlers in the same store. (2) "Yall" is singular and "All Yall" is plural. (3) "He needed killin' " is a valid defense in our courts here. (4) About 80% of us have two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Betty Sue, Mary Kate, etc. (4) Some of us don't even have names... just initials such as C. W., J. P. (one of my sons), R. D., J. J., etc. and more than a few of us are simply named "Junior." (5) Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder," or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference too. (6) You see bumper stickers that proclaim "My Son was Inmate of the Month at LaGrange Reformatory," or "My Son can Whup your Honor Student's Butt."
(7) Dentists advertise big for affordable dentures (don't bother trying to fix my teeth...just pull 'em). (8) At least 50% of the "men folk" claim to be some kind of ordained preacher. (9) More women are tattooed than men and (10) we define "foreplay" as "get in the truck, woman!" I'm sure you get the idea by now.
Those are the "pros," but we also have our "cons," some of which are we only get home grown Tomatoes and Sweet Corn about two months a year. Our Mosquitos have lots of kin folks elsewhere and are always having family reunions here with mosquitos from Indiana or Tennessee. Cowboy boots on a woman is considered "sexy." Gillette or Schick would never build a factory here. A great way to spend a fall Sunday afternoon is to stand around pickup truck beds at Uncle Lee's parking lot and watch the deer bleed. I'm sure you get my drift.
Most non-Kentuckians think of the Lexington area when they think of our state or the twin spires of Churchill Downs. Our legacy is thoroughbred horses and I guess that's good. I have probably ridden two horses in my life (and one of them was a pony at the fair that rode round and round in a ten foot circle). My wife was raised on a farm so she is the horse expert in our family. She got to ride some in her early years (she never owned a bicycle as a child so that's where I "get even" with her). I have some friends who used to live near Orlando, Florida. I couldn't believe it when they told me that they had never gone inside the gates of Disney World. They also couldn't believe it when I told them I had only been to one Kentucky Derby and I was only 18 years old then. They thought I spent at least two or three days each summer at Mammoth Cave. Truth is, I've only been there three times, once as a Boy Scout, once when our sons were children and about three years ago (although we didn't go inside the cave).
Several of our out-of-state friends are totally surprised at the beauty of some of the other parts of Kentucky. They are amazed at the size of Kentucky and Barkley Lakes and the quiet beauty of Lake Malone. A few years ago we had to drive in the left lane of the West Kentucky Parkway because so many people would pull over near the Green River/Ohio County line and snap pictures of the huge coal shovels and the TVA power plant in the distance. They can't believe it when they see the size and beauty of Western Kentucky University or Murray State University in communities the size of which they are both located.
The other day, I was amazed when I saw an Arkansas license plate on the back of a car that was emblazoned with a "UK" logo. I guess you can purchase your favorite college on the state license plates. I'll bet that guy's always getting his car "keyed" in shopping center parking lots. I always see lots of "UK" bumper stickers and flags on vehicles from other states. Kentucky pride is something that's hard to contain. I know we're accused of "exporting" a lot of our kids but there's a lot of "transplants" here too. We have a lot of people from other regions who came to work here in the 60's on construction of the TVA plant and got permanent jobs there, lived here and upon their death chose to be buried here. That's pretty "heavy" stuff.
One of the good reasons for staying in Kentucky is that it's about the same distance to Detroit, Michigan as it is to Destin, Florida.
When it's cold, you can go south and when it's hot you can go north. You can swim in the Gulf of Mexico or Lake Michigan (for goodness sakes don't get their seasons mixed up).
I have cousins that live in Evansville, Indiana and friends that live in Henderson, Kentucky. The two towns are the width of the Ohio River apart. If you were a pretty fair swimmer, you could probably swim from one town to the other (although it would have to be from Evansville TO Henderson since the current of the river goes that way). Seriously, you could get from the northern city limits of Henderson to the southern city limits of Evansville in about five minutes. They are practically one town, as is Covington, Kentucky and Cincinnati, Ohio. That's why I find it difficult to understand how there can be so much difference in the dialect of the two communities. My friends in Henderson say "Hidy Y'all," and "over yonder," and "How's it goin'?" My cousins to the north say "Hiyee Youse Guyees," and "Oh Myee Gawd!" Makes me want to say "Y'all Ain't Right!"
A couple of years ago, Brad, our middle son was a travel nurse and was assigned to Lewes (pronounced Lewis) Delaware. Lewes was a "beach town" much like those in western Florida on the eastern seaboard. We went to visit him and flew into Baltimore, rented a car and drove the couple of hours to Lewes. I always had this preconception of Delaware and expected it to be a Colonial State and that it would be covered with fancy homes preserved from the Revolutionary War era. I pictured the men still wearing wigs and long tailed coats with high top boots. I thought the women still wore their hair in buns and long flowing dresses with lots of ruffles and a parasol to match. When we took the drive, I found most of the route to be agricultural (with taller corn than Kentucky has). Most of the homes looked like ours and there was a vegetable or produce stand on the side of the highway about every 100 yards or so. We drove about 150 miles and 90% of it was farms. We were amazed to find out they only got an average of two snows a winter and even those only averaged about 3". The temperatures were pleasant for summer but Brad said it only got down to about thirty degrees most evenings in the winter and up to the lower fifties many days. He rarely wore a coat to work. I couldn't help but wonder what their perception of Kentucky was.
Several years ago I was President of the Central City Jaycees and attended a state convention in Louisville. While there, I met the president of the Harlan County Jaycees. He was a pleasant chap and you could tell he was well-educated (I believe he told me he was a Pharmacist). I told him how surprised I was when he told me where he was from because I had this pre-conception that Harlan County was a bunch of "bumbling rednecks." I told him I had always heard that the State Police assigned two troopers to each car there. He laughed and told me he had heard that before but assured me their reputation was unfair and Harlan County was like any other...a good place to live and raise a family.
Several years later, I became Mayor of Central City. I was at a conference in Washington, D. C. and was seated at the table with the Judge-Executive of Harlan County. We exchanged pleasantries and during the course of our conversation he asked me which county Central City was located in. I told him we were in Muhlenberg County. I saw his eyes get slightly larger and he looked at me and told me "I hear you guys run two troopers to the car over there." He had this pre-conception of what Muhlenberg County was like and I don't believe I ever denied it or told him any different. I guess things had gone "full circle" with his comment.
I guess for now I'm staying put in Kentucky. Several of our friends now spend a good portion of their winters in Florida and wouldn't have it any other way. Of course they play lots of Golf, a game for which I have never acquired a taste. Some of the others like to spend days fishing...unlike me; I like to fish about two days a year and work hard at not catching anything. My next door neighbor up at Lake Malone once told me he had caught some fish and wanted to give me several of them. "Are they cleaned?" I asked. "Of course they aren't cleaned," he told me. "Nah, but thanks for thinking of me," I told him. If he had said they were cleaned, my next question for him was "Are they cooked?" That's about the extent of my fishing. My point is this is a good place to live and these other places are good ones to visit. I enjoy visiting Destin, Florida a couple of weeks a year but I probably wouldn't enjoy it as much if I was a Wal-Mart greeter or working at the window at McDonald's (not that I really want to do that here either, but a person's gotta have something to do if they don't golf or fish).
All you people who moved away from here... I admire you. A lot of you did what those TVA construction workers did here years ago...you moved to another town, found a spouse, formed a career and now you call those places home. Just remember what your Mama told you when you left her home. If you get out there and feel the urge to return, you know you'll always be welcome here.
We'll keep the light on for ya!
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